Christmas like all holidays revolved around Mildred’s family- her siblings and their children. Family was central and always meant buffet style food, beer and working class prejudices. I was one of the few children at these gatherings and hung around the adults. As years passed I gravitated to settling somewhere by myself to play with my dolls or read. Books were not emphasized yet I loved them. I sometimes listened as mostly the male relatives would drink beer and vent why they didn’t like Niggers and Jews. I marveled at the strange conversation that left me feeling sad and empty inside. I didn’t like it but couldn’t understand why. Mostly I was bored, bored to tears.
These were decent, caring, hard working family people who were just plain ignorant about some important things. But most of America was ignorant and it seemed some people were viewed as if they had a contagious disease when they were just different. Sure there were social problems and there always will be but… no one is ever really innocent. Only a dishonest person denies ever noticing fears associated with prejudice- we are all prejudiced in our hearts.
The Supreme Court of the United States has been wrong more than once. They were clearly wrong in their Dred-Scott decision ruling that dark skinned people were not fully human yet… it was accepted by society. They were equally wrong in their Roe vs. Wade decision ruling that unborn people are not fully human yet …it is still accepted by society. Hitler ruled that Jews and people with handicaps were not fully human yet… it was accepted by society. It’s all irrational. Unless ALL human life is viewed without exception or qualification as intrinsically valuable and worthy of protection then there exists a slippery slope into the potential chaos of a dictator or 51% vote. Most people unthinkingly follow like herding animals- more precisely like dumb sheep. We can be astoundingly dumb.
The Sunday before Christmas everyone spent the day at Uncle Frank’s house with his wife Ann and their only son Irvin. Irvin later married Sandy who was from another country and had an accent. They had two daughters before Irvin was killed by a drunk driver. When Frank died from a heart attack about a week later, the companionship of widowhood left Ann and Sandy looking so sad together. The large floral arrangements that filled the funeral home later filled their houses so full it was hard to find room to move in the house.
Christmas Eve was at Mildred’s and Christmas day was at Mildred’s only sister’s house. The Sunday after Christmas was at Uncle Henry’s who married Libby but had no children. The family was tamer when at Henry’s house because for some reason Henry and Libby did not do things like swear or drink. I think they may have been attended church regularly but I can’t recall for sure because spiritual things were not discussed. Most of these German immigrant Lutherans were found at church only for holidays, especially Easter Sunday and funerals. There were a lot of funerals.
Since Elle was Mildred’s only child and I became Elle’s only child our extended family died with my Grandmother Mildred’s generation, leaving us quite alone. Funerals were a regular part of my childhood. Mildred’s brothers gradually all died of heart attacks, her sister died of cancer and Mildred (my Gran) died from a second heart attack when I was sixteen. Well into my adult years I still associated the scent of most flowers with people dying because the funeral homes were always filled with large fragrant floral arrangements, especially around the open casket. The flowers were bold varieties like gladiolus and lilies such as the fragrant Stargazer. The beauty and fragrance nearly became a stench to me and it took years to outgrow this floral prejudice. Now I love them all and understand why flowers are part of everything important from holiday and birthday celebrations to hospital stays and funerals. Their sensory stimulation evokes joy when celebrating and comfort when ill or grieving. My poinsettias do this now at Christmas time- it is impossible to walk around my house without feeling uplifted by the poinsettias everywhere and of course the centralized Christmas tree. This can be holiday cheer to take the edge off depression. Holidays can be very hard if one is alone, has suffered loss or is estranged from family. It’s interesting to ponder the history of flowers in one’s like whether male or female. I am very thankful I can have winter flowers right now to enhance life. Did God create the luxury of flowers just for our enjoyment? They are not a necessity…or are they? I once lived in rural Switzerland and was told b a woman there that the Swiss women always used a portion off the top of their food money (even if meager) to put flowers on their table because people are made in the image of God and therefore beauty is important. What role do flowers play in your life -even if you are a guy you have to notice them?
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