Red Shoes & Naval Christmas Ball

US Naval Academy in December

http://www.facebook.com/USNavalAcademy

Elle was either newly divorced or separated and close to the final divorce settlement with Sam when she first met Marv. It never took long for Elle to receive attention from potential gentlemen suitors.  Her beauty and vivacious personality were winsome to all who met her. When she was working at the fur company in charge of their credit department Sam would follow Elle when she traveled back and forth to their several store locations and watched (nowadays Sam’s behavior would likely be termed stalking) as she had lunch with her boss. Soon after one of his retail buildings burned the furrier could no longer afford to keep all of his staff so Elle found another job at a furniture company doing bookkeeping and managing their credit department.

After Elle ran into Marv the midshipman on a warm early summer’s eve, it took several weeks before Marv made contact again and called Elle to ask for a date. The Red Shoes was playing in a local theatre and after a lovely dinner Elle and Marv saw this production on their first official date that summer. The Red Shoes was one of Elle’s favorite fairy tale stories by Hans Christian Anderson about a young ballet dancer who was torn between the man she loved and her pursuit to become a prima ballerina. The angst felt by the talented girl eventually led her to suicide because she simply could not choose between expression of her gift and the man she dearly loved.

                         http://astrodreamer.squarespace.com/blog/2009/4/11/the-red-shoes-21.html

At Christmas time that year Marv and his buddies wanted to shop during their free time away from the Naval Academy. They came by where Elle worked at the furniture store to see if she would join them on their Christmas shopping spree that night when she finished working. Elle had told Marv she absolutely loved the plush navy bathrobes so Marv bought one for Elle and she loved dreaming of Marv when she wore it.

One of the big highlights of that enchanting year was when Elle joined Marv as his date to the famous Naval Academy Christmas Ball. Everyone knew that any a midshipman had to be serious about any girl he took to such an important event. Elle was well aware of the importance of the Christmas Ball and what it meant about her status as Marv’s girl.  That knowledge blended with the enthrallment of the special evening itself found Elle deeply in love and had hardly ever been happier with bright prospects for her future.

United States Naval Academy and Marv

After Elle’s divorce from Sam she was out swimming one summer Saturday day with friends who decided to stop by the club owned by one of the young people’s relatives. The upstairs part was a posh upscale expensive place serving food and drinks. Downstairs housed a cabana type place that was affordable and informal enough for the swimmers to visit with wraps covering their bathing suits. Elle and her friends sat around a large table and ordered some dinner. They noticed there was a group of midshipmen at another table. They were unmistakable since they all wore their white summer “ice cream” Naval uniforms- the ones all the Naval Academy students wore.

http://www.usna.edu/midlife.htm

After awhile one of the midshipmen approached their table and asked Elle to dance. She thought “Oh why not” and got up to dance with him. She found out he was a junior at the academy and his family was from New York City. They danced and talked and he asked for her phone number. Elle decided it would not hurt to give him her number but it was several months before Marv was on the other end of a call coming in to Elle. Perhaps he had waited and deliberated about whether to follow up with the beautiful dark haired, brown eyed girl he’d met. Maybe he had forgotten about her and inadvertently came across her phone number one day in a jacket pocket or drawer.

One of Elle's Swimsuit Photos

Since he was going to be coming to her town again the coming weekend Elle agreed to go out with Marv. Thus began a beautiful love affair where Marv came to town every weekend he was able to leave the Academy and Elle traveled to Annapolis where she stayed in inns that were available for family members and friends who came to visit the midshipmen on weekend when they could not leave Annapolis. Marv’s schedule and studies were rigorous but he found time to spend with and court Elle.

Marv and Elle had a lot in common. They were both athletic. Marv had selected the Naval Academy for one reason- gymnastics. It seems like an unusual reason for choosing a school especially considering that Marv ended up making his lifelong career in the United States Navy. As a young man his passion was athletics and he became the champion rope climber during his time at the Naval Academy.

The couple loved laughing and doing fun things together. Marv told Elle his mother was English and his father Jewish. Marv had never eaten a crab so one weekend they went on an adventure to introduce Marv to eating crabs which he immediately enjoyed. Marv’s ancestry mattered little to Elle who was a combination of German and Scottish. One had no way to choose their ancestry and who you were as a person was what Elle considered important.

After losing men she cared for to their military careers she was nervous about Marv’s future in the navy but she couldn’t help herself…she was head over heels in love. Marv also treated her like a princess and made Elle feel very special with his kind attentiveness. It was all a welcome contrast to the abuse she had suffered in her former marriage. Soon they were an item and all of Marv’s buddies at the Academy knew it was Marv and his girl Elle.

Stability or Am I Nuts?

When I get discouraged by the unending task of kitchen duty I am cheered by thoughts like these:

"Dishes, dishes, dirty dishes, I do dishes all day long.
Seems I'm always washing dishes, so I sing this little song.
Thank You, God, for dirty dishes, for our food and family.
Help me see each dirty dish as one more blessing given me." Janet Jansen

One of my favorite people is Elisabeth Elliot, the widow of Jim Elliot who was speared to death as a missionary to the Auca Indians in Ecuador in the early 1950’s. Elisabeth wrote about the experience:

The Aucas were a fierce group whom no one had succeeded in meeting without being killed. After the discovery of their whereabouts, Jim and four other missionaries entered Auca territory. After a friendly contact with three of the tribe, they were speared to death.

Our daughter Valerie was 10 months old when Jim was killed. I continued working with the Quichua Indians when, through a remarkable providence, I met two Auca women who lived with me for one year. They were the key to my going in to live with the tribe that had killed the five missionaries. I remained there for two years.

I’ve enjoyed reading Elisabeth’s books about what it means to be a woman and the value of creating a home for oneself and other people.  I admire her life as the kind I wished I could have lived- filled with discipline, orderliness, stability.  Her childhood and ways were so different than mine.  I envied her family of origin structure and certainty and the way she lived out a classically virtuous love affair with Jim Elliott. (See her book Passion and Purity).  I've struggled not to envy other families I met where there had been no divorce and where a mother and father were reliably present to care about, have meals with and listen to the children- to simply be there. I loved Elisabeth’s voice of stability and rationality when for years she aired a daily radio program. Sometimes I wonder why I am making any effort to write especially when I read this sort of musing by Elisabeth:

Writing was never easy work for Elisabeth. She always said writing was the most difficult of her tasks and in a letter of hints to perspective writers, she ends her advice with this:

One final word: don't be a writer if you can get out of it! It's a solitary job, sometimes a rather lonely one (who's listening? you say), and it requires relentless self-discipline. The world is _not_ waiting with bated breath for what you turn out. A writer has to be some kind of nut to stick with it. But if, like the psalmist, you say, "My heart was hot within me, while I was musing the fire burned," then perhaps you will have to write. http://www.elisabethelliot.org/index.html

Elisabeth Elliot

The Spectre of Foreclosure

I could use encouragement. After a long drawn out effort (can you say more than two years?) it appears I cannot afford the modification monthly payment which is no lower than when I had a nasty adjustable rate mortgage. The uncertainty I’ve been living with about if and when we need to move is nerve wracking. At this point I do not know if foreclosure will take three months or a year.  The most daunting part for me besides the physical move is making decisions about possessions- what to try and sell (things are not selling very easily on Craig’s list), give away or keep.  I hate the idea of paying to put any stuff in storage. We Americans have too much stuff anyway. We have sooo many books even though two summers ago I gave 2/3 of my library to Christian Library International who places books in prisons and detnetion center for young people. http://www.christianlibraryinternational.org/

The exciting part is that we have a goal of becoming completely debt free in 2011. It will take a miracle but it is a goal nonetheless. I am kinda burned out and want to crawl in a hole and not talk to anyone a lot of days. In considering where to move I want to have a bedroom for my son who is a high school junior. And then I have two daughters who come home from college in the summer and some weekends so whether to try for a three bedroom place which would be more expensive is a very difficult decision. If all the kids were grown I’d be up for living in a studio apartment especially as we work to get out of debt and start rebuilding.

Another exciting part is the prospect of lightening our load so we are able to be more mobile if God wants us to travel, go on mission trips, etc. in the future. Maybe this is my dreamy fantasy wanderlust talking. I encourage young people not to wait to follow dreams they have. There are always too many reasons why it is not a good time to take the risks to live out some of our dreams. I guess having an ordinary life with a place to live is a really good dream. It will be a very sad day when I actually have to leave my house. I still can’t fathom it really after living here for six years. I worked so hard to earn my way into this house and it has been a beautiful home for my kids and me.  This is such a mixture of exciting adventure and deep sadness. So how is everything in your life? I wonder how others are dealing with issues of affording housing and whether the United States administrations programs to help American not lose their homes is working for anyone.

"Too much stuff, too much stuff,
More than enough, more than enough.
It's out of the closets and filling our space;
It's growing and spilling all over the place;
We're tripping all over, a terrible case of too much stuff.

"Too much stuff, too much stuff,
More than enough, more than enough.
The piles are staring us in the face;
They multiply at an alarming pace;
And soon we'll be buried without a trace in too much stuff.

"Too much stuff, too much stuff,
More than enough, more than enough.
It isn't easy to run the race;
With all of this stuff slowing down the pace;
I think that I need some additional grace for too much stuff."

Janet Jansen

Domestic Abuse

The type of phone Elle used to talk long distance to Skeets with charges $$ by the minute.

After Elle left her car hop job and college classes to marry Sam she worked as a bookkeeper for a furrier who owned several retail shops. Elle and Sam lived in a basement apartment in the home of Sam’s parents. Life was good except for Sam’s incessant jealousy. Nearly every day Elle would endure Sam’s interrogations about where she went and with whom.

After the fire that burned one of the store buildings Sam became very jealous of Elle’s boss, the furrier store owner. Sam didn’t think it was appropriate for his wife to have lunch with her boss. This can still be a tough question for some couples today when finding themselves in work related situations with the other gender. We’ve all heard the stories of men leaving their wives for the secretary who always looks nice and is always supportive and helpful compared to the wife who he sees when she first awakens in the morning and has to listen to her concerns. Business is business but on the other hand maybe one can’t be too careful when guarding their heart in marital faithfulness.

Whether Elle gave Sam legitimate fuel for the fire of his jealousy or not no one can know. Elle was a young beautiful impressionable woman. Whatever instigated it, Sam’s jealousy only worsened. Arguments between the two of them became part of a typical day. Elle started hating her life and the genuine love she had for Sam grew colder as fear took replaced the happy feelings. Sam even started becoming violent.

Elle tried to get help from family members on both sides of their families. She tried talking to some close friends about what was happening behind closed doors. Amazingly, no one believed her because Sam was such a great guy and such a gentleman. No one could imagine him the way she was describing and thought for sure that Elle was exaggerating. Research now shows that when a woman is physically, mentally or verbally abused the norm is for few people, if anyone at all, to believe her or take seriously what she says. Domestic abuse is usually hidden, denied by everyone even the victims and well overlooked.

Here are a few facts about abuse:

·         One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.

·         An estimated 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.

·         85% of domestic violence victims are women.

·         Historically, females have been most often victimized by someone they knew.

·         Females who are 20-24 years of age are at the greatest risk of nonfatal intimate partner violence.

·         Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police.

National Coalition against Domestic Violence

One evening Sam’s parents heard an inordinate amount of noise coming from their downstairs apartment so they went down to see what was happening. They saw a very angry Sam with a knife in his hand yelling at Elle. “What are you doing Sam?” his mother cried out to him. “What’s the matter with you? Have you lost your mind? Stop that right now.”  “Now you’ll believe me!” cried Elle. After that night his parents and some other relatives started believing that Sam got what he deserved when Elle finally left him.

One evening when Sam and Elle were home the old fashioned landline phone rang about 8:00.  Elle answered and heard Skeet’s voice from the other end. He began explain that he had met a lady he thought he might want to marry but when he checked into getting a marriage license he was told that there was no record of the annulment from his marriage to Elle. He didn’t know what to do and wondered if Elle would help him with the necessary documentation that validated their legal annulment. Elle was glad to hear that Skeets was alive after all the war days and was happy to help him.

Sam overheard Elle on the phone and began questioning her about the caller. “Who is that on the phone,” Sam asked. “Is that a man” What does he want?”  Elle was trying to listen to Skeets and when she did not respond as Sam wanted his anger escalated. Sam tried to grab the phone from Elle’s hands and a scuffle ensued.  On the other end the alarmed Skeets cried out to Elle “What is happening there? Is he hurting you Elle?”

The next day Elle managed to have a private phone conversation with Skeets and he told her to come to where he was staying in New York City to get away from Sam. She had felt much trapped with no place to get to feel safe so this was her chance to find help form someone she knew she could trust. Elle quickly packed and was missing (on her way to New York) when Sam came home from work that day.

When Elle arrived in New York she was so happy to see Skeets again. He did not marry the woman who was under consideration and Elle would have likely stayed with Skeets from then on had it not been for one thing- he had to leave very soon after her arrival to go out to sea for a military assignment. He was a seaman and the sea called him to duty. So there she was again left alone. “Stay here and wait for me in New York until I can return”, Skeets asked her but she couldn’t bear being alone. Thus Skeets gave her the money to get her own place to live and get a new start for her life.When she arrived back in her home town she first stayed with her mother and step father until she could find her own place get a new job and resettle. There was one more incident when Sam accosted her when she was out with some friends. He tried to grab her and interrogate her. He said “we are not divorced and you need to stay away from other men.” Elle told him “we are legally separated and if you ever come near me again or lay a hand on me I’ll have you arrested.”  That was Sam’s last attempt to control the woman who once loved him.

New York City - Statue of Liberty

Not Enough Men

                             Elle while staying with the parents of Skeets after their marriage

After losing two boyfriends in a war Elle was still an immature young girl who had run away from home and couldn’t handle the prospect of losing her new husband Skeets the same way so though she would regret the decision in the years to come, she ran from the marriage. She couldn’t bear to wait and see whether Skeets would lose his life in the war too.

Just like Elle lost two men to war, I think there are a lot of women in America today who are single because so many of the men of their generation were killed in the Vietnam War. We don’t usually think about it but there aren’t enough men to go around for the women because a lot of them died in war. More girl babies survive than boy babies. When the toll of war further contributes to the disproportionate number of women to men it destines too many women to being alone whether they want to be or not.

Elle with Skeets- her first husband

"Pudgy" was a gift to Elle from Skeets

 Pudgy looks like a classic dog that could have played a key role in any old movie.

Men Lost to War

Elle as a young lady

When Elle married Sam he tore up photos Elle had of any men in her past- old boyfriends and especially photos of Skeets. The only surviving photos are the ones Mildred had at her house..and she kept everything. There was another reason Elle took the path of least resistance in having her marriage annulled with Skeets.  When he had to leave her shortly after their marriage she didn’t feel she could bear the potential heartbreak of losing him as another war victim. Two men she had cared for were already killed in the war.

Elle’s first boyfriend in high school was a guy named Lou who loved her and told her when he left for duty that as soon as he came back he wanted to ask her to marry him. She really thought he would be the one man of her dreams. When Elle asked Lou why he had chosen to become a paratrooper he said it was because he could earn $30 more pay per month. Lou was killed on D Day in Normandy. Practically his entire battalion was killed. Elle still has Lou’s military pins. Later in high school Elle met another nice young man at the Lutheran church who was also killed in the war. The affect of these war losses was enormous and Elle still has tears now when she talks about this part of her history. This was not an uncommon tragedy for many women to process and is something only a few of us can understand nowadays. Women still lose husbands, boyfriends, fiancees and sons to war but not to the extent that Elle's generation experienced.

Lou not long before his death as a paratrooper at Normandy on D Day.

Happy New Year!

May 2011 be wonderful in every way!

German Immigrants

My German great-grandmother

I found photos of my great grandparents (Mildred’s parents) who came to American from Germany. My mother Elle marvels that back then no one smiled in photographs. People did not smile when posing for paintings because it required too much effort over long periods to do anything but pose at repose. People didn’t smile in old photos because it took a long time for the shutter to stay open and if they smiled their facial expressions would change. The photographer recommended that they not smile but have an at repose expression to keep the mouth area from blurring.

My German great-grandfather

This was a time in American when those who immigrated here were largely looking for a way to a better life and though people retained being German, Irish, Italian, etc they happily and proudly became Americans. They were expected to learn English and adapt to their new place of residence. How different this is from today when many immigrants want to live as if they are still in the country they left behind. If I move to another country it is expected I will learn their language and adapt to their ways, not the other way around.

Jealousy

When Elle married Skeets they had to run away to another town which was one of the few locations at that time where a minor did not need parental consent to get married. Since she was a minor Elle’s marriage annulment was not a difficult process. There were times in the years to come when Elle wished she’d stayed married to Skeets. He loved her, was a responsible man who would have been a good husband and father. Who among us doesn’t occasionally ponder how our lives might be in the present had our past decisions been different.

Based on my observation and experience with life I believe who we marry is the second most important decision of our lives. How we relate to our creator is definitely in a class by itself as number one but the marriage decision affects everything in our entire lives for the rest of our lives. The magnitude of this choice cannot be underestimated and should not be taken lightly. Then again many remain single due to fear of a bad or wrong decision. There is always risk in every decision we make, even to get out of bed in the morning.

After the annulment Elle focused on working and her education. She attended classes and studied when she wasn’t working her car hop job. What made her study accounting when she hated math and thought she wasn’t good at it? Whatever it was I think she passed the trait onto me. Often I’ve endeavored things I had no natural interest or aptitude for or was afraid to try in order to overcome fear, stretch and grow as a person.

When one of Elle’s regular customers, Sam asked her out repeatedly one day she finally consented. They had a fun first date at a football the attended game with other young people. Sam continued asking her out and it soon became a regular thing. Sam was crazy about her and Elle fell in love with him. Less than a year later they got married and Elle says Sam was the best lover she ever had in her life. Elle put her college courses on hold and took a full time job as a bookkeeper for a man who owned two furniture stores.

One day when Elle got to work at the main store where the offices were located, her boss was standing outside on the street curb looking at the smoldering building. Somehow the night before the building caught on fire and most of the furniture store contents were lost. When the fire was completely out Elle helped her boss look rummage for any business documents and records that were salvageable from the ruins. She then accepted the task of helping re-establish all the business books and record keeping systems. This was before computers or backup systems.

I remember hearing about how the great American inventor Thomas Edison got his children out of bed late one night to come see the fire that was burning down his plant where his experiments and manufacturing were done. When Edison lost records for his experiments the backup system was what he could locate in his cranial files. I sometimes think of Edison when I experience a setback or need to start something over because he didn’t lie down and die but failed forward.

“Although I am over 67 years old I’ll start over again tomorrow. I am pretty well burned out tonight, but tomorrow there will be a mobilization here and he debris will be cleared away, if it is cooled sufficiently, and I will go right to work to reconstruct the plant, said Mr. Edison as he watched the flames destroy building after building.” New York Times, Dec 10, 1914

Elle had to spend a good deal of time with the furniture store owner since together they were trying to get the business re-established. Sometimes they discussed business issues and plans while having lunch together- it was a very busy time. One day Sam started questioning Elle about the time she was spending during lunch with her boss. This shocked Elle who dismissed his concern as completely unnecessary. Sam however did see it as a light matter and a side of him began surfacing that would eventually prove fatal to the survival of their love- jealousy. Once the jealousy surfaced Sam’s obsession with it only grew worse.

“Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive.” Havelock Ellis (British psychologist and author 1859-1939)

Thomas Edison 1878

Incandescent light bulbs are going to become extinct in a few years because our federal government has caved to the environmental lobbyists and soon these bulbs available since Edison’s time will be illegal to manufacture or sell. That means only ugly fluorescent light for our children and grandchildren..I hate fluorescent light!

$$Shiver or Swelter$$?

Okay I can't help myself. Time magazine has an article linking the recent snow storms to global warming. White Christmas is now an ominous treat to the continuance of civilization. I never mean to offend anyone but this is hilarious. Throughout history (oh no does this mean studying the actual facts?) our climate has phases of hotter and colder. More scientists clearly recognize this than the few climate alarmists who use fear to line their pockets. Let's be objective in our study of history and climate.

Personally I believe this is mostly alarmist and money making efforts for some research scientists who need government money to keep their jobs and a basis for very creative potential tax increases. My air space needs to be taxed because I am using it to spread nasty CO2. Humans are the big bad culprits leaving nasty footprints. C'mon. We create a tiny amount of CO2 but try keeping a rainforest or any plants without CO2. If anyone honestly studies the history of weather and climate change it is not hard to see that it always cycles. We are sooo gullible to the media! Besides I can't get afraid of global warming because I haven't yet gotten past the enormous fears generated not many decades ago that we were rapidly transitioning into an ice age. I don't like being cold so I'm still afraid of that!

As 2010 draws to a close, do you remember hearing any good news from the mainstream media about climate? Like maybe a headline proclaiming "Record Low 2009 and 2010 Cyclonic Activity Reported: Global Warming Theorists Perplexed"? Or "NASA Studies Report Oceans Entering New Cooling Phase: Alarmists Fear Climate Science Budgets in Peril"? Or even anything bad that isn't blamed on anthropogenic (man-made) global warming...Hot Sensations Vs. Cold Facts, December 27, 2010

Forbes.com  The media owe us better coverage on the climate than alarmism

American Media

Writing non-fiction means truth telling. Whether one is a journalist, historian or technical writer the documenting is menat to be honest and factual. The journalist especially bears an ethical and professional obligation to stick to reporting the facts without personal bias or evaluation.  The historian's main job also is providing facts though it is inevitable that opinions and evaluations are included. This is acceptable as long as the audience can detect the difference. It is so easy for a reporter to confuse the facts as they happened with their interpretation of those facts. What is completely unacceptable is historical revisionism which is nothing more than altering the facts to suit one's presuppositions.


While various existing codes have some differences, most share common elements including the principles of — truthfulness, accuracy, objectivity, impartiality, fairness and public accountability — as these apply to the acquisition of newsworthy information and its subsequent dissemination to the public. Wikipedia


Modern American journalism has so veered from high standards of objective reporting that I wish we could have term limits for journalists. It is difficult to find a trustworthy media professional who cares more about reporting facts than pushing an agenda. The twisting, churning and selective presenting is out of hand and we desperately need a revival of high ethics among media professionals. Thankfully now with blogging and social media anyone can speak their mind without the censorship that has had a strangle hold on American print, radio and television broadcasting.


It grieves me to imagine people in other countries acquiring an opinion about what American citizens are like based on what is fed them by newspapers and the often worthless television programs produced by Hollywood. I can't yell it loudly enough to the rest of the world- please don't believe that the United States is what you see on television. Most of us live ordinary lives and seek to be good, honest, hard working citizens and caring family people. I've heard story after story about people discovering what Americans are really like (the good stories) when visitors travel around and meet the real people. 


Not to brag but Americans are largely still prone to generosity and compassion. I know that is a sweeping generalization but I also know it is true. One recent example is the way so many people (even may I personally know) took time off work and their busy lives to go to Haiti to help the earthquake victims last year. I was amazed by the en masse focus on raising money and supplies to ship to Haiti as well as those who traveled there just to help in some way with construction, clean up, clean water, food, medical care, etc. There can be no evil intent when helping people who have no way to repay.

Concerning documenting history I intend to tell the truth about my mother, grandmother and other relatives who set the stage at least for my life. There were men but more women who set the backdrop for my childhood. I am committed to making a clear distinction between when I am writing the historical facts and sharing my opinions about them. This is a scary, daunting undertaking because I want to do it well.


I also need to state that I am a loyal and patriotic lover of my country. I cry when I hear our national anthem. I know we are far from perfect but like loving one's imperfect family I love my imperfect yet beautiful country. I love a lot of other countries too; especially places I've visited or long to visit but... there's no place like home. There was even one time I came back to the US and actually did think about kissing the ground when I left the airplane.


Yet I have a perpetual wanderlust for visiting and even living in other countries. Wanderlust is a strong desire for or impulse to wander or travel and explore the world. There exists a long list of places where I long to visit and even live for a time. There's not enough life to fit it all in. I love meeting people and experiencing life from new perspectives. I just want to be clear about who I am and what I am about. I am an American woman writing about life growing up and living here. Because I am an American woman I take my liberty to be authentic about the good and bad.


Whether concerning my country or family of origin I intend to speak the truth but do not want to downgrade or tear down. Any fool can look for what is wrong and focus on it with a big yellow highlighter! What little imagination is required to look for the negative and squawk and complain about it? The human condition is such that the finger pointing so often points back toward the complainer. We are joint strugglers on life's stage where none are excluded from problems, trials, tears or regrets.  So bottom line….while we are here we can be more accepting, less judging and we might as well dance!

So here is a clip of my favorite danceing style: West Coast Swing. Warning: it's Addictive!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MmbApsDQ3o&feature=related

War Effort & Sexual Harassment

Elle- United States Coast Guard

History is challenging and can be confusing to document, especially the sequences of events as they occurred. Sometime in the early 1940’s between the time Elle had her marriage to Skeets annulled and started college while working as a burger, milkshake and soda car hop, she joined the United States Coast Guard. She didn’t see herself this way but she obviously was adventurous.

The servicemen were not home yet even though the war in Europe was officially over. They were still fighting in Japan after Germany had surrendered.  This was before the bombs were dropped in Japan to force an end to the fighting. Right after Skeets went overseas as part of the forces in the occupied areas in Germany, Elle decided to join the United States Coast Guard. Elle said there was a lot of cleaning up to do in the war torn places after the German surrender.

Although she had already filed for an annulment Elle was concerned about Skeets. She was still a young girl but also wanted to do something to help the war cause- to make a positive difference. She wanted to do something that might help since so many of our men were soldiers and not on our own shores to do the things that were usually under male jurisdiction.

Elle and her commanding officer didn’t get along mainly because she wouldn’t consent to his continual hitting on her to spend the weekend with him. Elle was working in a supply place and because she wouldn’t go out with the commanding officer he started giving her a hard time in various ways one of which was having her hair cut short. Since they didn’t get along she wanted out and he was willing to turn in papers for her early release. Elle’s desires to make a difference for her country and freedom were interfered with by sexual harassment before it had a name.This is something Elle had to deal with throughout her life because men would hit on her -she was beautiful.

Elle in United States Coast Guard uniform

Snowflake Designer

This is one of my best years for Christmas ever. Family, counting blessings and getting snowed in are what made it. With few cars on the road I put on my boots and walked to a place that was open for breakfast. My pants legs got covered with snow. It was cold and windy but fantastic being outside and feeling a bit like I lived in a different era when things were not so fast paced and people actually walked places and took their time interacting with others. I love the way snow unobtrusively portrays peace and quiet.  One has to respect snow when it calmly blankets the earth.

We moderns are way too cut off from nature for our own good. As I watched the snow falling outside the large window in the breakfast place I remembered that every single snowflake that has ever fallen is one of a kind just like people are one of a kind. Unfathomable! This is the sort of intellectual reality that challenges any vestiges of agnosticism or atheism. Whenever I feel doubt about whether God exists, who He is or what He is really like I start asking myself intellectual questions. It never takes long to be reminded of what is true if we face facts. How could every snowflake that has ever fallen throughout history be one of a kind, having its own signature? And why would it matter when the naked eye can’t tell the difference anyway? Only one explanation-there has to be a snowflake designer who can see and enjoy each one without needing a microscope or magnifying glass.

So there I was finishing breakfast when the place announced they were closing early due to weather conditions and were therefore giving away the breads, croissants, bagels and pastries that were baked the night before. Everything had to be used or thrown away (here we are again in our throw-away culture). I and others that were there filled bags with goodies to carry home. Then a few of us went behind the counter and announced to those coming in the door in the nick of time that they could select whatever they wanted for free. What fun pretending I worked there and giving out freebies. Then some of us loaded the remains into large boxes that one person drove to a church and homeless shelter. I like this place but respect them all the more for literally going the extra mile in inclement weather to give the food to people who can use it rather than doing the easy thing by throwing it in the trash. This was Panera Bread (they deserve some media kudos for the way they operate) and here are a few photos of the cozy place of beautiful smells.

Panera Bread

Panera Bread in the 2010 Christmas snow

The White Christmas dream come true.

Snow -Christmas 2010

Anullment & American burgers

As a girl Elle was very athletic and her sports participation included archery, shooting rifles/marksmanship, swimming and gymnastics. Elle was beautiful but felt she was too short at about 5’ 2” so for photos she tried her best to stand tall on her tiptoes.


After Elle’s marriage to Skeets was annulled he was heartbroken. When she ran away to marry him he took her to stay with his parents since he was in the military and had to leave her soon after the wedding. Elle was a teenager and had married him after a fight with her mother that made her want to run away from home. There was no place for her to run so consenting to marry Skeets was a viable option. She told him the problem with the plan was that she did not love him- at least not as more than a friend. Skeets was a bit older and assured Elle that he loved her enough for the two of them and that she would grow to love him.


Elle was fond of Skeets who was a good man, adored her and would have been a good husband. The main problem was his departure so soon after their marriage. She was such a young girl and needed him to be with her. Of course he could not be since the military required him to go where and when they sent him. He went on ships so it was impossible for his new young bride to join him.  Years later Elle received a telephone call from Skeets because he was considering remarriage to someone else and could not find legal documentation about their annulment. He needed her help but it turned out that she needed his help even more.


After Elle’s annulment she returned to living with her mother and attended college during the day and got a job working nights as a car hop at a burger and milkshake place. The all American hamburger started gaining popularity before World War II. Of course it wasn't until the milk shake machine salesman Ray Kroc met the two McDonald brothers that burger history would be forever changed and the burger would be placed next to mom's apple pie as an American icon. McDonalds eliminated carhops to make everything self serve.


Elle became one of the restaurants best car hops. She was not on roller skates as car hops later were but she ran constantly all night. She was paid a small percentage of her sales plus the tips that really added up. Since she was good she did well in tips, enabling her to afford to attend college and join with several other girls for an apartment within walking distance from the burger place. The carhops were assigned to numbered stations and Elle acquired favorite customers who would sit in their cars and wait until her station was available. One regular customer was a group of guys who came there several times per week to eat dinner after they got off of work. They liked Elle and one of them named Sam was especially fond of her and started asking her out.


Elle herself was surprised by the focus of her college studies- accounting. Math had never been her strong suit and she actually hated it. She wanted nothing to do with any career involving math yet there she was studying bookkeeping and accounting. Life is sometimes filled with mystery and surprise.

Menu at car hop burger place

First McDonalds in San Bernadino, CA

Estrangement and Joy

It’s Christmas Day! I’m so thankful we celebrate Christmas the way we do in America. I love it. Maybe it is my imagination but it seems like this year there is less emphasis on materialism and more focus on basics- the things that are most important. I love it. It’s been a mixed bag though as it is perhaps for many people.

I love my children with everything in me and would give my life in a heartbeat for each of them. But there is a word I dislike- estranged. Not all my children share Christmas with me because they choose not to do so. As history unfolds during the coming year I will be sharing the saga that brought us all to where we are this day. It is a long story and I won't try and make it short. It sometimes seems way too complicated to even consider documenting but I intend to do my best.

Nonetheless this Christmas like so many is a mixture of sharing love, joy and laughter along with sadness, regrets, guilt feelings and longings for much more. The reality of not having all my children near me at Christmas time cuts my heart deeply. I try focusing on what I do have and who does want to be with me.

The children who dismiss me believe I have been an inadequate mother. Of course I have been that. Is any mother adequate to the daunting calling? Many do better than I but I have tried, with many failings to be sure but I have tried, never given up and always, always loved my kids beyond description. I don’t know about other mothers but nothing can change my love for my children even if they divorce me as their mom.

Yesterday- Christmas eve those who chose at this time to love me and be with me made it hands down one of the best days of my year. They did that by giving me the gift of their time. There is no greater gift we can give to another human being. We enjoyed a marvelous sit down brunch at the dining room table - all of us together. Then we managed to get everyone out the door and went ice skating at an outdoor downtown city ice rink.

Everyone else at the skate rink seemed happier than people usually are. It was so much fun. There were lots of Santa hats and smiles and people saying Merry Christmas to strangers. Wow!  We skated in our coats, hats, scarves and gloves to Christmas music. Hats are fantastic for keeping warm. I guess that is why hats are put on babies’ heads at birth to prevent loss of body heat. I remember that too with all my babies. Once a mother always a motherJ Watching them skate, smile, laugh and have fun was such a gift. The expedition was a big hit- hooray!

After skating we came home and prepared a to die for dinner with as much natural and organic ingredients as possible. We had spiced cider, wine, turkey, uncured ham, mashed organic potatoes, organic yams, salad, and peas, chopped, steamed organic Swiss chard, gravy and lots of cranberry sauce. I prefer the whole berry kind- how about you? Cranberry sauce is probably my favorite part of the feast. Incidentally everything was zero calories! The best part is we all sat together at the table eating and conversing- to me sharing a meal with good conversation is one of the most beautiful evidences of being civilized creatures.

I've heard that in some cultures eating together is a way of sealing contracts and agreements. Eating is such a basic human function yet also an intimate experience we can share with others. I first observed people who valued food with meaningful conversation during my college years. I was so impressed and forever changed by this practice of eating good food artfully prepared and served with flowers on the table and plenty of talking and listening. I decided this was really living!

While preparing for and enjoying all the merriment I was pondering how God so often commanded his people in the Old Testament to have feasts. He had them do it right – usually at least seven days. That seems more humane as one day just isn’t enough to spend time doing fun, relaxing things. I love the way Europeans have more humane holidays/vacations than we in the United States. Europeans know how to take long holidays that provide adequate time for exploring, relaxing, regrouping and whatever one needs to do to regain what is needed for working the rest of the year. Americans are all about work at break neck speed, sometimes working till we drop. We could use more balance with time off from work enabling us to work better or at least be more fully human.

Last December I listened to the audio version of Mike Huckaby’s book which is his biography centered around the Christmas’s in his life- a good way to recall the years of our lives. I’ve let Christmas veer me off the main track of documenting history and I’ve prattled about other things. Call it procrastination too as I wrestle with how to approach this day by day endeavor I’ve committed to for at least the coming year. It's scary.

Last night at dinner we discussed Bing Crosby and how he was as a father and family man. My kids heard he was abusive and that his oldest son wrote about it in a book. My mother (Elle) insists Crosby was not abusive but rather a strict disciplinarian whose kids were not allowed to run wild like some Hollywood brats. Could this be a generational perspective about what acceptable or good discipline looks like? My mom mentioned that the daughter of Betty Davis wrote a biography that included unfavorable things about her mother. Betty asked her daughter why she hadn’t waited until after her death to write lies about her.

Sometimes people lie and twist the truth. Sometimes people perceive reality in very different ways. This is a tough thing to understand or swallow. How can two people see one thing so differently? I believe I have failed in some ways as a mother but I also believe that my estranged children have distorted reality to fit what they have been told or want to believe is true partly to justify some of their own less than admirable choices. I feel they do not know the real me because for so long they have caricatured me as someone I am not, tried to force me to fit into their story of me and at times even ganged up on me in their verbal abuse and rejection. 

Have you ever been around others who treat you a certain way so often that you start behaving that way even if it isn’t really who you are?  Am I making any sense ? Sometimes children become the way we treat them- like the kid placed in the slow reading group who lives up to the expectation. Adults can do it too. I can start behaving like a bitch if I am consistently surrounded by those treating me like one. Who wants to be around people like that anyway? This is both hilarious and sad but I prefer to laugh today because laughter is great medicine.

Well I’ve tried to cajole and win their love far too long because they are my children and I wanted their love and mistakenly tried all I could to get it.  I tried, pursued, cajoled, gifted, hoped, accepted any treatment that came my way, allowing myself to be mistreated, demeaned, ignored and regarded as a dumpster. This only contributed fuel to the fire of their disrespect and disdain. Oh I forgot – mothers are responsible for all the problems not only of their children but also the entire universe! LOL

Merry merry Christmas. I hope you write- is anybody there!

Christmas 2010

Christmas feast preparation

Christmas fire and candles